I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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