He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
