Got a toothbrush?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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