yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
