I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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