You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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