On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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