For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
