How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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