if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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