On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
what day is it and did you see me today?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
