i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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