You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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