yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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