the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
