I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
