Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
