Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
