i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
