My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
