Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
