ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
