I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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