So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You are a genius and a whore.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
