if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
