Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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