Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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