i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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