yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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