Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
