Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
