I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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