dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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