he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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