You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
