i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
