I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
