i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
