I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
