at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
