If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
