Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
