dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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