I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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