FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
