sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
