i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
