Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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