Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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