careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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