i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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