Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Randomize
