I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
