Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I didn't shave. On purpose
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
