Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
only you would photoshop your dick
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
