Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
