What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
