clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
