you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
